Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Everything you could ever need to know about Todd Akin.


Be aware girls and boys, looks can be deceiving. This seemingly harmless-looking man has much more to him than meets the eye. For underneath his collected demeanour, starched shirt, novelty tie and politician gaze, lies a man who holds some of the most controversial and ill-informed views in the United States of America. What's worse, is that he's a politician and the state of Missouri seems to be completely behind him, despite the fact that everything he says is offensive bullshit. 

Whereas other Republican politicians tend to disguise their true intentions and beliefs underneath miles of party manifestos which are seemingly harmless, but Todd Akin is something else. He voices his controversial, no nonsense beliefs and uses them to win some votes from the Deep South of America, a part of the nation which is equally, if not more backwards, than he is.

What is even more mystifying is his idea of human biology, as he seems to believe the human body works in a manner completely different to that which can be demonstrated through science. Of course, being from the Deep South and also being a Republican, he must also appeal to the deeply religious population of Missouri. Many of these take the Bible's word for fact, and are very misinformed about basic principles of science due to the conflicting ideas of science and the holy scriptures. Of course, many of these people are pro-life and are really pretty mad about the fact that a law was ruled saying that abortion was now legal in their good country. They marched and lobbied and rallied against this law to protect the sanctity of life of a zygote, abortion should be illegal.

Of course, this is all very backward. Undoes years of hard work that feminists had put in beforehand to allow women the choice, and is pretty much scientific heresy. And what about rape? What happens to an unwanted rape baby?

Well, Todd Akin has the answers. He had this to say on the matter in a recent interview:
Well you know, people always want to try to make that as one of those things, well how do you, how do you slice this particularly tough sort of ethical question. First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.

Let's take a few moments to dissect this. The first thing I can see from this is that he didn't clearly understand what the doctor he was talking to was saying about pregnancies resulting from rape. In fact, I don't think he was listening to the doctor at all, but off in Todd-land dreaming up as many ways as possible to hear something completely different to what the professional was actually saying. Or maybe, just MAYBE, he hadn't actually consulted a doctor but put his faith in the Bible and God and all that jazz. He totally missed the memo that informed everyone that when raped, there is DOUBLE the risk of it resulting in pregnancy, as opposed to the very rare occasion.

The next thing is ridiculous. First of all, no tactful man should ever use the term "legitimate rape" when trying to run an election campaign. Yeah, you might not look that dumb in America, but in the rest of the world that's a pretty outlandish statement! What quantifies rape as legitimate exactly? When you don't want it to happen at the beginning but then start enjoying it to make the most of a bad situation, or it's forceful marital rape? What stops these cases from being legitimate exactly? And also, where in human biology does it say that in the cases of legitimate rape, the body is capable of taking action to terminate the baby itself??? Mr Todd, were you even present in biology classes? Or maybe they were too busy teaching you creationism to properly explain how the female reproductive system works.

Thank the Lord Obama stepped in to let him know what the rest of the world was thinking; "rape is rape." No two ways about it. But it's just typical that it's taken so long, in fact, until a black man came into the White House, for America to start to catch up with the rest of the world in promoting equality (and laws that reflect so) and getting rid of its typical chauvinist white male voice of the past. Half of Akin's reforms are actually going to set America back where it was before, promoting segregation and ill education which makes me really quite worried. How stupid are these people in the Deep South? Or are they just too set in their ways?

Akin is now thankfully, a laughing stock of the world due to his slip of the tongue, or blunder of an interview. But it's just goes to show that there REALLY ARE some people out there who are that ignorant, and won't accept anything that goes against the literal meaning of the Bible. Even the Bible has a mass of contradictions, due to its lengthy creation spanning several peoples and several centuries. Thankfully most Americans aren't like this, but the Deep South seems to have let the country down due to their backwards viewpoints and unwillingness to move forward.



Friday, 17 August 2012

Everything that you need to know about social networking sites.

This post is for anyone who has, through some crazy way or another, avoided social networking (or possibly the internet) for a long enough period of time to not have a clue what it's about. However, if you're feeling somewhat dazed and confused and cannot tell your tweetdeck from your timeline, you're in luck! Because being the lovely people that we are, we are going to help you get back up to speed with the rest of the internet. You'll be looking popular and up to date with the rest of the world in no time!

Google+ 

We'll start with good old google+, seeing as I'm pretty sure that everyone's heard of google. Even if you stopped using the internet 10 years ago, you should still have at least heard of google. This is due to their oh-so-successful search engine raking in loads of cash for the company due to advertising revenue. Because they had so much money, they've decided that they can pay people to make other programmes that do different stuff, but in the same time generate more money. Anyway, enough of the basic economic lesson... Google+ is google's brainchild, because google needed in on the action (and revenue stream) that other social networks were enjoying.

However, imho Google+ never really got off to as great a start as it would have hoped. I'm afraid that it never really got anywhere. There was a lot of hype about all of these beta versions that you needed a special invite to get into, so you could try out facebook's nemesis. However, 12 months down the line... well.. that's pretty much where it stayed. So much talk about it being the new facebook, but when it came to the crunch I guess everyone was comfortable where they were. It can be quite stressful uprooting your life and moving to a completely different social networking site. For instance, you've got the stressful business of tracking down all 346 of your previous friends. Then there's uploading photos to make you look more popular than you really are, getting used to the new interface and all kinds of other things that no one really has the time (or patience) to deal with these days. We just prefer to have a bit of a whinge and a moan when facebook change anything, but not do anything about it.

I mean, I would actually use google+, because it is a really well presented website. However, when i tried to log in today, my page appeared, only to be refreshed to a blank page half a second later. Oh, and the fact that no one I actually know is on there as well.

Twitter

Anyone who's anyone is on twitter nowadays. It's the social network that any popstar, politician, Olympic athlete, teenage hipster, homeless bum or comedian can inform the world of their activities in 140 characters or less. True microblogging stylee. Perfect for when you want to tell everyone that you just tripped up and fell down some steps into a puddle which was an "omg total cringe moment", and you just don't have the time to get to a computer and write an essay about it. Instead of writing a blog crammed with every emotion you were feeling in the five minutes leading up to the trip, you can save everyone time and hassle by condensing your story to the bare key points, thus eliminating the drivel and wasting less of everyone's lives. And you can do it from your phone as well. Sweet!

Twitter is unlike facebook (and kind of google+) because it actively encourages people to go out and "follow" someone new, that they probably don't know irl. I know it does sound a bit creepy, but I assure you it just means that they're your friend. And also all of their posts feature on your "tweetdeck" (homepage), regardless of how banal they may be. However, you are able to follow celebrities and write them messages that they will ACTUALLY RECEIVE and read with their own eyes, as opposed to a fan page in homage to them. And don't underestimate the power of being able to contact celebrities. Ever since one famous tweenybopper (probably a Jonas brother or Bieber or Tulisa)ended a very high profile relationship with another and then started to see someone else, the new girlfriend/boyfriend was tracked down on twitter and sent death threats, horrible messages and general other unpleasantries. However, this was not by the ex of celebrity A (in fact, they finished their relationship and decided to stay friends)but by HORDES of crazed fans of said ex. That's right, loads of angry pre-teenage girls were logging on and sticking up for their fave celebrity by blackmail, because OF COURSE the original couple needs to get back together again! The other one is just ruining things.

Twitter also lets you comment and debate with the rest of the country/world about current topics as well. TV programmes now annoyingly sport a #programmename in the b ottom left corner of the screen for a good few minutes as the show starts. If you just add this hashtag to whatever you post on twitter, as long as it corresponds to what was written on the screen, your post gets grouped together with all the other posts from other people who want to comment on the programme (of course they can't just have a chat with the person next to them, they need the world to see). Very useful during the Olympics closing ceremony... so many witty yet disappointed tweets.

Me? I'm not really one for this twitter malarkey. Of course I have an account, but then again, I do still have a myspace as well. I think I'm following @Elizabeth Windsor, who is some spoof of the queen and always refers to herself as "one" (thus deeming the post witty) and makes references to gin"o'clock"anytime past teatime. Sometimes there is a funny one thrown in. @SarcasticRover is another good one as well, giving us a live feed of the NASA's project on Mars, "Curiosity", and its thoughts upon being marooned on another planet for at least 2 years, whilst picking up space dust. However, that's as far as I'd go with it. Occasionally there's some witty things on twitter, but you're best logging on to snoop around and laugh at other people or Z-listers, rather than becoming an internet celebrity yourself. "Twitterati?" I think that's the word.

 and finally...

Facebook

Last but not least, may I present you the creation of Mark Zuckerberg, which also coss companies millions of dollars every day whilst employees procrastinate on facebook as opposed to getting their jobs done. It was the social network site that did something that none of the other social networks could do before it... have the staying power. As in, retain all of its users in a years' time and still be expanding, a feat which bebo nor myspace was capable of performing. Nowadays EVERYONE has myspace. Your gran, your pet dog and pretty much every relation you have are probably on there, having wised up and become tech-savvy in order to stay in contact with you.

It's brilliant. The team decide to change things around every couple of months (like the layout, and stuff), making ridiculously unnecessary, aesthetically displeasing changes, or changes where the outcome is worse than it was to begin with. I love going on facebook, and it makes my day when the server crashes or there is some ridiculous problem happening in the most unlikely place. After that, playing "guess where all of the normal function buttons have gone" straight after another poorly designed rehash of the layout has come into effect, is totally my favourite game. Especially when you have to detag yourself from last night's embarrassing photos where you look like a complete mong, (but you can't let the rest of the world see that) and have to remove any association with it before anyone can see. FAB.

There are more now. A  majority of them aren't worth
knowing.
It's also really handy for keeping tags on your partner, or "really getting to know" your crush. People do all sorts of things, even when they're listed as "in a relationship" or "married" on facebook. Like reigniting an old flame via facebook chat after your partner's pissed you off one too many times? They'll never know cos private messages do what they say on the tin. It's only when your partner finds  your facebook account logged in, page open on the private message to your ex that you had signed off with "Can't wait to see you, sexiest lady in the world" that it becomes a Jeremy Kyle case. 

Facebook etiquette dictates that you must postpone accepting your parent's friend request for as long as possible, as to avoid them coming into contact with people that you actually know irl via facebook and the embarrassment that ensues...Not to mention, it's only what's best for them. If they found out that their little straight A student who-could-do-no-wrong, secretly went out to raves where she drank and did DRUGS, alongside being hooked on that "skunk" on lunch breaks, those parents would be mortified. As parents, they should have the right not to know these things. If they find things like this out via facebook, it only makes them worry (to some very extremes).

However, there are graver matters to worry about. For instance, my newsfeed being clogged with adverts that my friends have unwittingly "shared", not to mention indecipherable posts from "ppl hu tlk lyk dis", that one person who is always so bloody negative about EVERYTHING and then the facebook chat "bluorp" noise. However, it's not in vain! Despite these slight inconveniences, you 're able to talk to your friends online, bitch about so and so, then bitch about the other bitch to another bitch that your bitch is bitching about, with the knowledge that the original bitch will be none the wiser. 




Who needs real life when you can social network?